When in doubt, ask “What the most honorable thing to do?”

Have you ever been stuck between at least two different positions and felt paralyzed and unsure what to do? I know I have. Tony Robbins once said that being indecisive is emasculating. Most decisions can be reversed but we’re so afraid of making the wrong decision that we don’t do anything.  Once we make a decision, we are automatically free.

There are three main pillars that I help create with each of my clients;

1) We build a relationship and trust. I help awaken them by joining in the truth.

2) We create meaning from whatever is going on with ie. where did this come from?

3) I help clients learn new ways of being by teachnig them skills and encouraging them to take action.

Being asked powerful questions by someone who cares can cause a major shift in one’s thinking and doing which can enhance all three of the above sections. When coaching or counseling clients who are stuck, I often ask powerful questions that require a thoughtful answer instead of a yes or no response, a question that prompts the person being asked to feel inspired. Here is an example; “What is the most honorable thing to do in this situation?” Deep down, when we ask ourselves that question, we know the answer.

Recently. I was working with a young man who, after 6 years, was deciding whether or not to leave his girlfriend or propose to her to get married. We had six sessions in which our discussions focused primarily on how my client could not make a decision. I was starting to get a bit frustrated as I did not think I was helping this client move the needle. I reviewed some coaching techniques in between sessions and came back with a different focus and strategy for our work.

In our next session, I really drilled down with my client and talked to him about honor and asked him what he thought was the honorable thing to do in this situation.. He concluded that leading his girlfriend on was not honorable. Staying with her but being unfaithful was dishonorable. Committing 100% to the relationship was honorable. Also, letting his girlfriend go if he truly did not love her was honorable as it would then allow both of them to heal and find themselves and eventually find a partner if that is what each of them wanted. Two sessions later, my client told me he was ready to propose to his girlfriend. He was saving money for an engagement ring! All along, Tom had the answer inside of him. He just needed support and to be chalenged a little so as to help make a decicion.

In my own life I have received quality coaching and counseling that helped me get unstuck. Every decision we make has a consequence. It will open one door but close another. I found it helpful for myself to keep the faith, trust myself and use supports. “Closed doors are a test of our faith. Keep moving forward, being your best, living with determination and faith. When you do, you’ll see amazing changes all around you.”

—Joel Osteen