“Don’t wish it was easier, wish you were better. Don’t wish for less problems, wish for more skills. Don’t wish for less challenge, wish for more wisdom.”
— Jim Rohn
There has been much said about the power of goal setting but not always in the same breath as when speaking of overcoming adversity or becoming more resilient. Adversity, is part of life. We all experience challenges, some more than others. However, none of us can live a rich full life without experiencing some pain. Life is not fair at times and that is simply the way it is. Like a ship caught in a storm, we can get tossed and spun about leaving us like a ship without a rudder. However, like all of the great mariners of yesteryear, who followed the North Star in the sky in order to get to where their destination was, we can be the same way.
Whenever I work with a client, together we will create a treatment plan in which we identify what the issues are, what the major goals are and what is the plan of action to accomplish these goals. We update this plan every 3 months or as needed. The following is an exercise I learned from listening to Brian Tracy, best selling author and professional speaker who has helped over 5 million people achieve their goals. Write down your top 5 major definite goals to be achieved this year. Write them down each day for the next thirty days. Slowly your life will change because your focus will change and you will begin get closer to the achievement of your goals.
Recently I’ve been reading the late great Dr. Wayne Dyer’s autobiography I Can See Clearly Now. In it, he described various experiences he encountered and how each of them helped shape his character and helped find his purpose in life. Dyer described his experiences of being raised in an orphanage and having an abusive alcoholic father who abandoned his wife and children as being of vital importance to Dyer’s later success as a prolific speaker, writer, teacher, and healer.
When facing adversity of any kind, it is important to have hope that we can take what we need from a situation and let go of the rest. My most important goal is to instill my clients with hope, so they can affect positive change for a better future.
I work with my clients to create significant meaning from an adverse situation, to find out what they learned, how they got wiser or stronger. In my own life during difficult times, I’ve needed to learn how to change my perception of what was going on.
In my private counseling practice, I work with my clients to change the meaning of whatever has caused them pain. It does not always happen right away. And that’s okay for awhile. Humans are not robots who can flip a switch and be all unicorns and sparkly horses. There is time needed to heal.
However, with a little bit of time and with some tools and trusted supports, we can start to change our perspective. One way to do this is through asking ourselves uplifting questions i.e. “What if this was a blessing in disguise? How would I feel then?” Dr. Joe Vitale, creator of The Law of Attraction, uses “What if” questions. What if this were perfect? What if this was supposed to happen? How would we then feel? The late Dr. Wayne Dyer used to ask “What if this were perfect?” related to a painful situation. I often listened to his audio presentations as I was figuring out how to deal with my separation and divorce.
I know asking ourselves these sorts of questions may feel strange but the point of it is to challenge our perceptions. What has caused pain is not what hurts most. What hurts most is our belief about what caused it. I don’t expect us to do this well at first. I know I didn’t. It is natural to experience pain at first when something goes wrong in our lives. However, at some point, we must recognize that we deserve to feel better. I believe that by asking ourselves healing and hopeful questions, even if we don’t want to at first, is a direct way to access much more joy, healing and growth.
January 1st marks a time of the year when we think of new beginnings and the start of a new chapter in the book called our lives. It is an opportunity to have a clean slate and turn our lives in a different direction and make a plan for a better future.
We cannot change the past but we can learn from it. What went well for you in 2015? What did not go well? What did you learn about yourself? What do you want to do differently in 2016?
In my work with clients, I teach them the importance of self acceptance. Forgiving ourselves for things we did or failed to do is vital for strong emotional well being. We all do the best we can with our given skill sets at the time. One way to turn the page and start over is through goal setting.
What are your 2016 goals? Brian Tracy, human achievement guru, has long advocated that we write down our top 5 major definite goals each day. I do this most mornings and have found that, I have achieved much more than if I were to not write down my goals.
He also believes that we should have goals in each of the following areas of our lives;
What goals; Business/Career/Financial
Why goals; Family/Personal/Health
How Goals; Self Improvement personally and professionally
I challenge each of us to write down our top 2-3 goals daily in each of these areas.
let me know later this year how you are doing with your goals.
I hope each of you has a productive yet peaceful 2016.
Peace is defined as freedom from disturbance; quiet and tranquility. calm, restfulness, peace and quiet, peacefulness. It is the freedom from or the cessation of war or violence. It is law and order, lawfulness, order, peacefulness, harmony, nonviolence.
Goodwill is a friendly, helpful, or cooperative feeling or attitude. It is benevolence, compassion, goodness, kindness, consideration and charity.
Islam, and Judaism, is also related to concepts of justice and morality in behavior between people. It is kind or forgiving treatment of someone who could otherwise be treated harshly. It is showing kindness or help given to people who are in a very bad or desperate situation.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church emphasizes the importance of the Works of Mercy and in Roman Catholic teachings, the mercy of God flows through the work of the Holy Spirit. Mercy is so important and desperately needed in our world, that Pope Francis proclaimed a Special and Extraordinary Holy Year Jubilee Year of Mercy, from December 8, 2015 until November 21, 2016.
Never before has there been more violence and evil perpetuated in the world. We often hear of terrorism taking place throughout the world. but on a smaller scale, we hurt one another everyday with a lack of empathy, compassion and mercy. Our words and actions, if guided by indifference or negativity, can hurt others deeply.
In my counseling practice, I often teach the importance of having empathy and compassion towards others and with one’s self. Empathy is the capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within the other person’s frame of reference. Having empathy, in my opinion, allows us to demonstrate more peace, goodwill, and mercy towards others.
The world needs more peace, goodwill and mercy. What small steps can we take towards offering others empathy, mercy and goodwill during this season? Something as small as a smile can have a positive impact on someone’s day. Wishing each of you a peaceful holiday season.
“Every person needs to take one day away. A day in which one consciously separates the past from the future. Jobs, family, employers, and friends can exist one day without any one of us, and if our egos permit us to confess, they could exist eternally in our absence. Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for. Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us.”
Maya Angelou had it right. We all need to take a break from life sometimes in order to charge our batteries. In our busy western culture, it can be quite difficult for men and women to slow down and take a time out. Due to economic challenges, childcare duties and inflexible work schedules, it can feel as though taking a day for oneself, let alone a few, can seem impossible. However, both emotionally and financially successful people recognize that it is imperative to step back from life periodically. We all think that we are indispensable. Is that really true? Can’t we check out even one day? There are many people who are successful financially who are able to take nights and weekends off to spend with loved ones or themselves. Proper rest allow for a refreshed mind and body, contributing to creativity and motivation.
Strategically timed retreats, vacations and even day trips are vital for emotional well being. One definition of a retreat is “an act of moving back or withdrawing.” I myself have taken short 2-3 day retreats throughout Massachusetts. One favorite site of mine is in Cohassett, MA at St. Joseph’s Retreat Center. The house is right next to the ocean. The time there is spent in silence. These can be guided or unguided experiences meaning there can be interaction with the staff for spiritual direction or the person on retreat can do his or her own thing. Spiritual direction consists of meeting with someone trained to discuss matters of faith. The costs vary from site to site but I have never paid more than 250 dollars for these experiences. The return on investment has been priceless. Checking out retreatcenter.com is a great way to find the retreat site of your choice.
In conclusion, we all need to recharge ourselves mentally, physically and spiritually regardless of our profession. A retreats can be viewed as a mini vacation. There are numerous secular and spiritual retreat centers in Massachusetts. One would be surprised how little it costs to go on a retreat. A retreat can be renting a hotel room for a couple of days, bringing with you an inspirational book to read or camping overnight. Perhaps it can be a day trip. I think that whatever the experience, it should be done alone so that you have an opportunity to think, pray, read, write and or meditate.
Here are some advantages for taking a retreat:
1) Get more perspective: It is an opportunity to get perspective and see where we are and where are we headed.
2) Cultivate your spiritual side: For those believing in a higher power, it is an opportunity to speak with one’s creator. Being in touch with nature is an awesome way to cultivate one’s spirituality.
3) Get inspired and motivated: When we recharge our batteries we come back refreshed. It can allow us to do some goal setting.
4) You are treating your body as a temple: Some retreats offer massage. I got great sleep and ate well. Food is important to me:) I also had opportunities to do some walking along the beach.
5) Better appreciation for what you have: It’s a chance to count our blessings i.e. spouse, house, pet, children, etc.
For the month of November, my call to action for you is to set aside 1-3 days where you go on a retreat or spend time alone in nature. You’ll be happy you did.
Empowering people to be more resilient and hopeful is my passion. I am a graduate of Boston Latin Academy high school. I also have an undergraduate degree in Criminal Justice from Southern Vermont College and then earned a graduate degree (M.Ed.) in Rehabilitation Counseling with a certificate in advanced graduate studies (CAGS) in Mental Health Counseling at UMASS Boston. I have been a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in Massachusetts since 2004 and a Licensed Alcohol and Drug Counselor in Massachusetts since 2008.
Empowering people to be more resilient and hopeful is my passion. I am a graduate of Boston Latin Academy high school. I also have an undergraduate degree in Criminal Justice from Southern Vermont College and then earned a graduate degree (M.Ed.) in Rehabilitation Counseling with a certificate in advanced graduate studies (CAGS) in Mental Health Counseling at UMASS Boston. I have been a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in Massachusetts since 2004 and a Licensed Alcohol and Drug Counselor in Massachusetts since 2008.